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A Smartly Furnished Chamber of Horrors

from η​Θ​Ø​5h by Damian Webb

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lyrics

Ok, so we're on some kind of a date
Watching some tennis-related,
love-suspense-snoozefest
Just like in real life, there's no sign of love anywhere.
Not even in her eyes,
which only set on me when they absolutely have to.
Movie gets OK at the end.
Guy gets his hand crushed under a boulder
By whoever, the bad guy, I guess.
He starts to almost kill them, but the other dude
just fucking rips his hand off to get free of the boulder
and they do battle, etcetera.
Something about the girls father possibly being
behind it all, whatever.
Anyway,
then we're walking around after this movie and I'm trying to make small talk about how tall this nearby building is and "wouldn't it suck to be falling the length of it" or some such bullshit
and I'm trying real hard to close the distance,
but I can't tell if it's working.
All of a sudden, a handful of clearly-devolved
prep-type couples walks up the stairs beside us
just as I'm finally getting her to submit to a
somewhat-loving, kinda-caress-type-hug.
Her head quite noticeably turns around on my shoulder and even all the way around my head to watch these people pass.
Eventually she breaks with me and follows after them.
I follow shortly thereafter, thinking, "What if I'm about to walk in here and see her doing something ungraceful; Whorish, even?"
Well, just a few short steps tell me I needn't bother with the 'what if?'s or the benefit of any doubts, because she's riding a collapsible TV tray in a very provocative manner.
Then...
Blah blah blah...
Not even begging her to let me get a word in edgewise works.
As if that was any different than it always is.
I finally get her to stop yapping long enough to say,
"Imagine my disappointment" and then
she walked off, what was presumably,
the face of the earth.
Or something similar.
Everywhere there were these horrible little bugs.
Big for bugs, really; with these long hooking tails
or stingers coming out of them.
They'd get all over you and under your clothes and ceaselessly, subtly poke you.
Insofar as I could gather, they didn't break the skin.
They'd just wrap all up in the fibers of a sock
and poke poke poke.
I was picking them out of my clothes,
in the dark for hours
When I noticed some large tears
in one of the sliding screen doors.
I thought,
"I have to fix this. But if I put duct tape over it, I might lose my deposit. Then again, do I even live here?"
I look at my back in two mirrors
and see another one in my shirt.
It was more disgusting, than anything else.

credits

from η​Θ​Ø​5h, released July 25, 2010

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Damian Webb California

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From California

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